Posts Tagged ‘Tony Blair’

A container of human misery!

Back to the allotments! Well, not exactly back but at least I made it to the main gate this morning. Given that two weeks ago today I provided target practice for a surgeon, my expedition on a walking stick represented progress. And it was good to exchange insults with my fellow chicken-keepers. I was surprised to see such a transformation amongst the plants which are beginning to show the first signs of autumn, but there are still plenty of beans and onions to be garnered. My fellow codgers were in good voice and hastened to reassure me that I haven’t been missed – reassuring perhaps but not quite the welcome back that I secretly desired.

Clearly relieved by the end of his daily clashes with she-who-must-be-obeyed, Albert urged me to venture in. But since the place contains zillions of traps for the less than nimble-footed I declined his offer. Given that he later tripped head first into the compost heap, it was probably a sensible decision. But I did have time to gain an insight into what the codgers are discussing, and I relished that since this blog was born from the idea of reflecting the daily opinions of a cross-section of society, albeit a rather ancient one.

A lot of my pals were genuinely shocked by the story of the the 35 illegal immigrants discovered “screaming and shouting” inside a shipping container at Tilbury Docks. The stowaways were suffering from hypothermia and dehydration, and included women and children. One of the number died at the scene. Police described the group as “victims of the crime of people trafficking”, to us they represent a reminder that we in this country are a good deal better off than we tend to acknowledge. That fellow human beings are prepared to go to such horrendous lengths to get here says everything about the deprivation that exists in the Indian subcontinent. It may be the case that we cannot accommodate illegal immigrants, but we have a moral obligation to help to improve lives so dreadful that risking a terrible death is a reasonable option. One container of human misery has changed our view on overseas aid!

No such problems for the Blairs. Today we learn that Mrs Blair’s law firm Omnia Strategy is reviewing Kazakhstan’s “bilateral investment treaties”. We have no idea what that is but it clearly pays well. The first stage is worth £120,000, and the second £250,000. Meantime our former saviour Tony is busy as an adviser to Nursultan Nazarbayev, the all-powerful president who has ruled Kazakhstan ever since its independence from the Soviet Union in 1991. It is good to know that the expertise needed to run 10 Downing Street translates so easily.

Meanwhile the present occupant has joined the scribes of the Sunday Torygraph. We may be in a minority but we believe that what he says makes good sense. He warns that the creation of an extremist caliphate in the heart of Iraq, and extending into Syria, is not a problem miles away from home. It is our concern here and now, because if we do not act to stem the onslaught of the “exceptionally dangerous” terrorist movement, it will grow stronger until it can target us on the streets of Britain.

Unfortunately, apart from giving dire warnings of the fate awaiting British citizens who “walk around with Isis flags or try to recruit people to their terrorist cause, our dear leader is somewhat vague about what we should actually do. He is surely right to propose supplying weaponry to the Kurds, but we codgers tend reluctantly to the view that only troops on the ground under a UN mandate will stop the madmen who now enjoy weaponry donated to the Iraqi army. it is a tad unfortunate that the Government ignored military advice and reduced our armed forces to the point where G4S may have to be contracted.

Meantime my pals seem to be as preoccupied as I was with the chilling story of the collaboration between the police and the BBC in regard to the raid on the Berkshire home of Sir Cliff Richards. And they are not alone. Today Dominic Grieve, until recently the attorney general, has suggested that national guidelines have been breached. He can see that police might not want to warn somebody about a search, but sees the decision to tip off the BBC that they were carrying out a raid as “very odd”.

What happened, says Mr Grieve, was beyond understanding. The police violated their own ground rules and violated the rule that, save in extreme circumstances, the details of those arrested or suspected should not be released to the press or public. And Sir Cliff has not even been arrested or questioned. It is reassuring to learn from someone who has forgotten more about the law than we will ever know that the police have violated the basic principles of a democracy. Perhaps they should send for the Blairs whose experiences in Kazakhstan would appear relevant.

Never mind, the Premiership is back. A world in which the introduction of shaving foam to mark free kick distances can cause great excitement, and where one manager last night defended a mediocre performer by explaining that he is no star and only earns £37,000 per week!

As a mediocre performer myself I can only say that I could get by on that.
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QUOTE FOR TODAY; “The golden rule when reading a menu is, if you can’t pronounce it, you can’t afford it!”….Frank Muir.
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Tony Blair in never-never land!

Another beautiful morning. When we arrived at the allotments the rows of sunflowers were beaming back at their God, and the masses of begonias were bathed in shining glory. At such moments we codgers are always reminded of the famous lines about Solomon in all his glory not being arrayed as such as these. It is quite a sobering thought that even in an age of a multi-billion fashion industry we mere mortals still cannot match the glorious splendour of plants that just three months ago were seeds capable of being blown away by the gentlest breeze. It always serves to reassure us that despite being scruffy we can still play a part in the creation of something that even Lady Gaga cannot outshine.

Having cleaned out the hens, and lifted another half-dozen rows of new potatoes, we settled on the wall alongside the shed for our tea and doughnut break. There was considerable amusement at the news that the officer in charge of police horses let slip the fact that Rebekah told him that the retired horse she acquired from them was for the use of David Cameron. Our hearts go out to our dear leader who this morning faces the dual task of persuading the decidedly reluctant Aunty Merkel to impose real sanctions on Vladimir Putin, plus explaining for the umpteenth time that he scarcely knew either Mrs Brooks or her horse. His life seems to be dogged by difficult women, and even the arrival of the thigh-flasher has done little to ease his burden.

But our butterfly brains soon alighted on weightier matters. Yesterday, whilst Ed Miliband was hob-nobbing with President Obama, his perpetually dark shadow Tony Blair was giving the inaugural Philip Gould lecture to a rapturous audience of former Blairites. As ever the former leader managed to convey the earnest air of a latter-day saint as he emphasised that young Ed must be prepared to leave his “comfort zone”. He wasn’t specific but there were some outside of the worshipping throng who wondered if he had one or two invasions in mind. They probably wondered too about his claim that money is not important, something so often asserted by those who have acquired enough to take over the Bank of England.

We codgers know only too well that there is much to be said for casting aside old grudges. But we find it hard to forgive our former hero for the lies he told at the time of his joint adventure with George W Bush. Millions died in the aftermath of the supposed quest for weapons of mass destruction and to his day the carnage continues in iraq, with the repercussions still haunting those charged with the security of these islands.

But peace comes at a price say those who still cling to the illusion that whilst wrong in substance, Tony Blair was right in principle. Peace? Try telling that to the people of Iraq. Yes, many were relieved to see the fall of Saddam Hussain but what they didn’t grasp was that there was no rational plan to avoid their tortured country from sliding into an age of brutality that even Saddam couldn’t match.

A few days ago we were chatting to a Church leader who has spent time in Iraq attempting to assist the large Christian community in the north. He told us that the last Christians are right now fleeing from places where their communities have lived for almost 2,000 years. All of them face a deadline for them to convert to Islam, pay a special tax or be killed. And this is no empty threat. Isis, the new brutal and fanatical extremist ‘army’, lives by its statement that for those who fail to comply “there is nothing to give them but the sword”. Already thousands have been slaughtered.

Isis now rules an area larger than Britain and has already ‘eliminated’ many of the ancient Christian communities of eastern Syria. Those leaving Mosul, captured by Isis on 10th June, in order to seek refuge in Iraqi Kurdistan are being stripped of all their possessions. Our informant said that every Christian stopped at a checkpoint were stripped of everything they were carrying, but it was a better fate than that of those who were executed. Meantime the ancient Christian churches have been ransacked and the ruins now fly the black banners of Isis and its leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the self appointed Caliph and wearer of expensive Rolex watches.

The rapid elimination of Christians is not of course the only nightmare building in Iraq. Females are losing their right to education and much else, and repressive dress codes are being enforced. On the spot executions of anyone inclined to protest are commonplace and kidnappings, such as that of two nuns and three orphans when they stopped at a petrol station, are an almost daily occurrence.

None of which was the responsibility of Blair or Bush. But the carnage which they triggered achieved nothing and in retrospect has nothing to commend it. The only meagre consolation is that we learned an important lesson, we should not commit military action to societies that we simply do not understand. The idea that Iraq would hold elections with an equivalent of the Lib Dems accepting the outcome was naive beyond words.

So we codgers cannot find it in our ancient hearts to forgive Mr Blair, his copy-book is spoiled beyond any hope of a clean page.

Of much lesser moment are the deeds of the England cricketers, but they didn’t entirely escape our censure this morning. Some of us still help with schoolboy coaching and the first lesson always is that you should leave the high or wide ball alone on the grounds that if you don’t hit them you can’t be out. Yesterday a constant procession of England batsmen did and they were.

The word pathetic rent the allotments air twice this morning, but the cricketers at least will hopefully prove us wrong.
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QUOTE FOR TODAY; ” Frisbeetarianism is the philosophy that when you die, your soul goes up on a roof and gets stuck there”…George Carlin.
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Delusional greed is not a pretty sight!

The Grim Reaper visited the allotments last night. When we released the hens one didn’t emerge, and it was time for Albert’s hole-digging talents to be pressed into service. We never kill our chickens, our reasoning being that they have served us well with eggs and are entitled to a comfortable retirement. Eventually, like us, they die and odd though it may seem each passing saddens us. Yes we know that zillions of their fellow chucks line the Tesco shelves but ours are not anonymous members of battery farms, they have individual personalities and traits and some even have nicknames. Perhaps we codgers are all slightly mad, perhaps we are living examples of Britishness.

That being the case we should perhaps volunteer to help our dear leader who, in the wake of the possibility that children in Birmingham are being prepared for insurrection, has ordered that Britishness must be added to the national schools list of compulsory subjects. But what is it? The head of all the Cameroons mentioned fish and chips and football which seemed to us somewhat inadequate. Over our morning brew we came up with queuing, talking about the weather, moaning and arguing about Duckworth Lewis. Equally inadequate. Some of us recently visited the magnificent thousand-year-old Lichfield Cathedral, an experience that prompted someone to add Christian heritage to the list. But that is hardly likely to appeal to the PM’s target audience. Perhaps Britishness is best defined as being so dense that we don’t know what it is?

But we hope that the affliction of delusional greed doesn’t appear on the final draft. It certainly exists in our society, but we like to believe that it hasn’t yet infected those who wear flat caps or breed ferrets. Be that as it may, every day brings examples of contamination. It started within the bankers who chose to believe that the financial crash was not of their making, and that they deserved record bonuses for clearing it up. In fairness it must be said that maybe they caught the bug from MPs who had become so delusional that they saw moat houses as so key to their jobs that the bill must be passed on to taxpayers.

Today the headlines centre around the greatest greedy delusional of them all. Tony Blair is alive and well and busy amassing a personal fortune from lectures on the art of peacemaking. For some time we wondered just how he reconciled that with so many deaths resulting from his lies about Saddam’s supposed arsenal of weapons capable of flattening London. We realise now that he still sees what he did as a triumph, and he seems to have no recognition of the fact that no attention was given to an exit strategy before his pal George W Bush launched his ‘shock and awe’ campaign. Now Blair is urging missile and air attacks on the al-Qaeda madmen, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are interspersed amongst the innocents that they are murdering.

We are not unduly surprised by the final evidence that power corrupted Tony Blair and left him deluded. What does surprise and disappoint us is evidence that senior executives in our beloved NHS have also caught delusioni-greeditis to give it its full medical name. Nurses are under enormous pressure in many disciplines as a result of cuts to their numbers and escalating numbers of incoming patients, but despite this they have been denied a 1 per cent pay rise by the Department of Health. The pay band for most front-line nurses ranges from £21,500 to £27,900 and there are many instances of their struggling to pay household bills.

A freedom of information request to NHS provider trusts has revealed that pay for executive directors has increased by an average of 6.1 per cent, and a number of trusts have paid out bonuses of between £10,000 and £15,000. An example of what has been going on behind closed doors – the government has no direct control of Foundation Trust pay – is provided by the Oxford University Hospital Trust. There six executives received huge bonuses while the chief executive received a hand-out of between £40,000 and £45,000.

All of this largess comes from budgets already under real strain, and inevitably leads to yet more clinical staff cuts. And the average hospital boss takes home £164,000!

This is a classic example of delusional greed. Delusional because non-clinical manager’s contribution to patient care is limited to the control of administration and systems, arguably the weakest feature of the NHS. Every trust has more executives devoted to non-clinical work than is justifiable, and to compound the scandal every Foundation Trust has a part-time chairman on around £50,000 plus six non-executive directors each pocketing over £30,000. My own experience as an almost unpaid chairman of 12 years tells me that if the whole bunch vanished tomorrow they would not be missed.

It is very unusual for us codgers to criticise the NHS but these revelations have infuriated us. Thanks to the botched-up reforms imposed by Lansley and Hunt the NHS clinical staff are undergoing a living nightmare in which it is near impossible to fulfil their professional duties. We had foolishly assumed that the senior managers were making sacrifices too. What they have actually done is to abet the betrayal of those they supposedly support whilst thrusting their snouts into the trough.

No we can’t define Britishness but we hope that Mr Blair and the NHS lay bosses are not examples!
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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “Delusional, self-serving Blair is back. He backs democracy until it delivers results of which he disapproves”….Ian Birrell, Independent.
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Dare to be different!

It is hard for football fanatics to understand how anything so spellbinding as the Bend It Like Blatter world cup can be regarded by anyone as the equivalent of watching paint dry, but if some of my fellow allotmenteers are any indication that is how it is. As we cleaned out the hens this morning the addicts were waxing eloquent about last night’s Dutch upset and, inevitably, about tonight’s debut of the Hodgson babes. Others were tutting and attempting to switch the conversation to ways and means of increasing egg production.

Someone even tried to focus on Wimbledon, leaving me wondering for the umpteenth time why tennis fans are rarely into soccer. Phil mentioned his intention to occupy Henman Hill again, a less expensive venture than deepest Brazil. Tim Henman was born near to Phil’s former Oxfordshire home and, Phil told us, developed his tennis skills by playing alone against the side of his parents’ house. He went on to tell us that in Tims’first tournament he got all the way to the semi-finals, only to be beaten in straight sets by a garage door.

I was by now wearying of the airing of differences and headed for the hut to fire up the tea urn. As I did so I found myself reflecting that without our differences life would be a dull affair, a thought I mentioned as the other codgers joined me for a touch of the Eric Pickles. I should perhaps ease off on the Communities minister for once again yesterday he lashed out at those who believe – no names no Osbornes – that the green belt is the ideal place to build more and more houses. Big Eric is hurrying through legislation aimed at confining building to ‘brown field’ sites. Good for him!

Back on the subject of being different Tom made an interesting point. He contends that the fact that our mainstream political parties all seem the same explains, in part at least, the noticeable loss of interest and trust on the part of the great British public. It may even explain the attraction of Ukip which certainly has the hall mark of being different.

It is an interesting point and, as the chat developed many of us recalled with affection those long gone days when the policies and personalities of the Labour and Conservative parties were very different, and the Liberals occupied the middle ground. All of which takes us neatly to the plight of Ed Miliband.

Tony Blair was in almost every respect identical to Margaret Thatcher and ‘New’ Labour showed little empathy with the blue-collar supporters of the Labour Party’s formative years. Three years of Grumpy Gordon followed and then along came ‘Red Ed’. For red read pale pink, but even that tinge is being painted over by the crowd that surrounds him. And the polls tell us that the public largely sees him a Cameron minus the acting ability. It seems reasonable to argue that unless he dares to be different he will fail.

The pressure put on him to ape the toadying of Messrs Cameron and Clegg is indicative of what is going on behind the scenes. It was no great surprise to see our dear leader posing with a souvenir edition of The Sun since we are all well aware of his close association with Rupert, Rebekah and the rest of the Murdoch clan, not to mention his employment of Andy Coulson. And we all realise that the support of the Murdoch press can win votes. But we also realise that vast numbers of what we used to call working-class people are still consumed with bitterness at the lies printed by The Sun at the time of the Hillsborough disaster. Miliband betrayed his own potential supporters by lacking the courage to be different.

Now he is under enormous pressure from Ed Balls, Lord Sainsbury and others to woo the City in the manner of Blair and his so-called ‘prawn cocktail’ campaign. It seems that they are very concerned about Miliband’s criticism of the banks who he has warned to expect a “reckoning” over the financial crisis. He has also lashed out at tax avoidance on the part of big companies. Now, his internal critics tell him, he has to reassure City financial leaders that he is actually on their side.

It is almost as if today’s political establishment fears any indication of being different. The well used saying has it to thyself be true and we believe that the words should be nailed to every leading-lights’ desk. Miliband, Cameron and the rest should speak from the heart and let the electorate judge them. If Miliband distrusts the banks he should say so and plan accordingly. People will then have a real choice and if they prefer the pro-City stance of the Cameroons so be it.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, dare to be different for variety is the spice of life.
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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100!”….Woody Allen.
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Bush and Blair – the final condemnation!

Of such mornings is paradise made. Slightly over the top but arriving at the allotments in our shirtsleeves and seeing everything bathed in a golden glow lifted our spirits this morning, and served to remind us that the best things in life have no price label attached. Throw in the fact that tonight marks the start of weeks of wall-to-wall football on the box and you have a recipe for happy codgers, even allowing for the inevitable complaints from wives who incredibly prefer to watch the boys of Mrs Brown to those of Mr Hodgson.

Always the odd man out Albert was banging on about air travel when we gathered in the hut, having cleaned out the mutinous hens. His newly found preoccupation was triggered by his difficulty in renewing his passport, a prerequisite for heading off to New Zealand to visit his grandson. According to our dear leader the Liverpool office is busy right now, small consolation to Albert whose secret weapon, Mrs Albert, visited it yesterday. She was shown a pile of boxes which if stacked one on top of the other would constitute a danger to the near-empty 757s leaving Manchester airport.

But empty or otherwise today’s planes, according to Albert, represent a tribute to technology when compared with those of 1910 when Britain’s first commercial aircraft factory was established at Filton. There was produced the Bristol Boxkite which were used to launch routes going as far as the string would stretch. However, services were eventually cancelled when passengers became tired of having to climb out of a tall tree after every landing.

As with most of Albert’s tales this one sounded more the result of an over active imagination than research, and in no time at all he was talking to himself as the rest of us metaphorically applauded the government at the news that the number of people in work has leapt by 350,000 in just three months. It is of course true that the employment recovery is being fuelled by austerity with wages below inflation, but at last progress is being made. What troubles us is that many Conservative MPs seem incapable of recognising that the recovery is leaving in its wake a tide of poverty the like of which has not been seen in Britain for decades.

Yesterday Oxfam publicised its report on “Breadline Britain”. It featured zero-hours contracts, high prices, benefit cuts and energy prices. On Radio 4 the charity’s director said that there are families starving in Britain today. He spoke of children describing a “biting feeling of hunger” in their stomachs.

Within hours MPs such as Conor Burns and Charlie Elphicke reported Oxfam to the Charity Commission, and warned that the “lies” would alienate many Oxfam donors and supporters. The charity was, they ranted, playing politics. In fact it was simply telling the truth that most of us would prefer to be unmentioned. For more than 70 years Oxfam has lobbied governments of all parties. During the last Labour government, Oxfam criticised ministers over the Iraq war and refused to accept its “bloodstained” donations. Yes its work is political, but not party-political. We may not want to believe it but right now children are in poverty and the actions of such as Ian Duncan Smith have rendered them so.

It was the mention of Oxfam’s reaction to the Iraq invasion that reminded us that today brings reports from Iraq that finally confirm that what Bush and Blair did was a war crime of horrendous proportions. Blair won support for the invasion by lying about supposed weapons of mass destruction. They compounded that by brushing aside any calls for a strategy for dealing with the aftermath of an inevitably easy victory, and ludicrously claimed that Iraq would become a beacon for democracy and the rule of law in the troubled region. Over the years that followed countless lives were lost, including those of British servicemen. And £9 billion was spent.

With Blair and Bush consigned to history their successors perpetuated the illusion and we heard much about the exit strategy ending in triumph as the Iraq forces, now armed and highly trained, took over the security of the ‘rescued’ nation. Yesterday a horrified world watched as al-Qaeda-linked militants seized city after city and the new Iraqi army fled.

Saddam Hussain was a tyrant. But the idea that his removal would trigger a new democratic age was a fairy story. In reality it has made things even worse and served to bring terrorism to the streets of Britain. Politicians whose only motive was self-glory have sent young men and women to die in a country that they did not understand. The likelihood now is that the fanatics will spread their lunacy to the whole region, and their irrational and obscene beliefs to all corners of the globe.

The sight of Tony Blair posing as an envoy for peace is surely final proof that the world is slowly gong mad. As is the spectacle of our politicians wringing their hands. With the honourable exception of the Lib Dems each and every one of them supported the most ill-judged military action of modern history.
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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “I have always made the point that I do not particularly see the point of going back over these issues. I voted and acted as I did, and do not see the point of going over the history books”….David Cameron, 11/6/14
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Blair exposed and Cameron talks of a moral mission!

It is never pleasant when your hero becomes the target of ridicule in the press. Not a morning of hen-cleaning passes but we codgers sing the praises of Eric Pickles, who has emerged as the sole representative of the working class in a government of rich and overly posh characters who have suddenly developed a penchant for wellies. But we have to admit that our fellow scorner of the health promotion busybodies does seem to be developing a tendency for putting his foot in his mouth whenever he opens it, an unfortunate trend since he traditionally has given priority access to pies. We mulled this over as we gobbled our Tesco doughnuts this morning, and recognised that our campaign to install EP in Number Ten had suffered a set-back.

We know that some readers are puzzled by our obsession with the flood-controller, but the explanation is a logical one. Alone amongst all politicians EP lightens our days. We make no judgement on his political beliefs – if he has any – but laughter is the best medicine and he triggers bucket loads of it on the allotments. Just like his ancestor from Greyfriars school he lurches from one tight corner to another, and never hesitates to disown what he said just hours before the earth opened under him for the umpteenth time. But he never imagines himself to be God and via that one feature distinguishes himself from the rest of the top echelon of politicos.

And what a bunch they are. This morning anti-monarchists would do well to note the latest scandal involving the man many of them suggested as the democratic alternative to the Royals. Would anyone be comfortable with the news that President Tony Blair was so close to the Murdoch crowd that he offered guidance on ways and means of extricating themselves from very damaging accusations? Given that he was a Godparent to a member of the Murdoch family, the latest news hardly comes as a shock. But it is shocking that a former Prime Minister should be entangled in this way. His email to Rebekah Brooks also has sinister undertones. What does his reference to a ‘Hutton style report’ mean?

For at least a century our island has enjoyed an enviable reputation for many things, not least the honesty and integrity of its governmental structures. Suddenly we have cause for concern. We all know that the present Prime Minister was socially very close to the Murdochs, and that Jeremy Hunt was on the verge of nodding through the bid for BSkyB when the phone hacking story broke. We can only hope that they at least avoided the sort of astonishing toadying that has destroyed any remaining reputation of the man that took us to war by lying.

Only time will tell but meantime our dear leader has declared himself to be “on a moral mission”. He was responding from an attack by a large number of leading churchmen on the subject of benefit cuts. Of course there is a case to be made for the need to clean-up the overly complicated system, but every day brings new evidence that the total number of sanctions against benefit claimants is at record levels and conceals many actions that can only be described as inhumane. As if to prove the point independent tribunals have upheld nine out of ten appeals against the sanctions. But the process of appealing takes time and in many cases social workers are referring desperate clients to food banks or, in many instances, buying emergency food with their own money.

An example is provided by a court action against the Department for Work and Pensions by the Royal National Institute of Blind People. It concerns Robert, a man from Essex, who was forced to take out payday loans to feed himself after advisers stopped his employment support allowance and housing benefit. Robert is blind, but was only ever notified of the withdrawal of his payments by regular print letters. The deadlines came and went before Robert was able to get outside help to read the correspondence and advise him. The first he knew of the development was when his bank advised him that his direct debits were being ‘bounced’. Discrimination lawyer Samantha Fothergill, who is representing Robert, reports that she is getting complaints of this kind “all the time” and that the DWP’s system for sending out information is “appalling and not fit for purpose”.

There are countless examples of vulnerable people being treated in this cavalier fashion. A ‘moral mission’ that, however unintended, destroys honest people is a very strange one. Perhaps David Cameron et al should check the dictionary definition of morality!
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THOUGHT FOR TODAY: “The most dangerous thing in the world is to leap a chasm in two jumps!”… David Lloyd George
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God save the Queen – from politicians!

Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. We soaking wet codgers – this morning’s hen-cleaning was yet another paddling experience – were genuinely sorry to read of the dire financial straits of the royal household. A report from the Commons public accounts committee has revealed that the Queen’s household finances are at an “historic low” with just £1 million left in reserve, a fall of £35 million since 2001. On the very day that this news broke we learned that the state-owned RBS has squandered yet more public money but still proposes to pay bonuses of 200%, that yet more top companies are avoiding corporation tax and that the number of management consultants and spin-doctors employed by the government has almost doubled over the past three years.

I can well imagine that some readers are already itching to point out that the Royals are privileged and undemocratic. True but to quote the Duke of Edinburgh, their greatest contribution is what they prevent. Does anyone seriously believe that having a President Blair as head of state would really be better than someone who has no political affinity? Should a scandal a la Hollande or Nixon engulf our prime minister our society would suffer none of the chaos or paranoia that would ensue were he or she head of state.

Equally important is the fact that the Royal estate is a key part of our heritage. Right now both Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle are in a poor state of repair. At the former, staff are now forced to catch rain in buckets to protect art and antiquities, and the 60 year-old boilers are on their last legs. In total 38 per cent of the Royal estate is in need of maintenance and repair. The Victoria and Albert Mausoleum in Windsor is in desperate need of repair and is “getting worse”according to the Commons public accounts committee.

That body is chaired by the redoubtable Margaret Hodge, and it was no surprise that she took the opportunity to metaphorically machine-gun everyone even remotely connected with the monarchy and its estate. The treasury, which is responsible for overseeing the Royal Household’s finances is, she said, failing to oversee. The Royal household is failing to exploit the tourism market, and Buckingham Palace should be open to the public during the Queen’s absences. It should also increase its “efficiency savings”. I am tempted to ask if it should follow the example of the Banks but, in fairness, Mrs Hodge has been equally critical of them.

The final conclusion of the committee contends that the Queen must learn to do “more for less”. At this point my cynicism really does take over. Those are the very words used by Messrs Lansley and Hunt of the NHS which is now on the point of collapse. Others go to great lengths to defend the EU which continues to do less for more. And only yesterday we saw pictures of residents in Somerset verbally assaulting environment secretary Owen Paterson when he called to inspect their flooded homes.

It appears that his department has pursued the policy of more for less by almost halving the budget for dealing with the impact of global warming from £29.1m in 2012-13 to £17.2m for 2013-14. The inevitable result has been that dredging has been discontinued and flood defences postponed indefinitely. The strategy of doing more for less only makes sense when there is slack in the system.

We have seen little evidence that the executives of our large companies are doing more for less, indeed the cries of rage at the proposal to make them pay an extra 5% in taxes on their multi-million pound salaries suggests that they prefer to do less for more.

It all adds up to a concern that politicians are hell-bent on damaging the Queen, despite their enthusiasm for kneeling before her . We have no way of knowing how much slack there is to cut. But we do know one thing, we respect and trust the Queen, and we have no respect for politicians and trust them less than we would a ferret let loose amongst our hens!

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “Buckingham Palace is not ours. It’s a tied cottage!”….Prince Philip

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Iraq – Blair’s moment of truth draws near!

There is a hell and we are in it! That sums up the general reaction when we codgers arrived at the allotments to let the hens out. The glowering sky looked close enough to touch, the rain was coming down in bucket-loads, the howling wind was as cold as a debt-collector’s heart. Not surprisingly the hens refused to leave their coops and cleaning out became as fraught as Wigan’s town centre on a Saturday night.

Never have we rejoiced more at eventually retreating to our warm hut for a mug of hot tea. Thinking about anything other than the scene outside was a relief and first up was a story from Surrey. It seems that the PC brigade have been having a field day there, and organised cricket for young children has been given their insane ‘no competition’ treatment. The kids are taught the rules and allowed to stage matches but there are no winners or losers. Just when will these mad people recognise that every sportsman is competitive, and without an outcome sport would die. What they should be teaching is the art of modesty in victory and good grace in defeat. The chattering classes are a pain in the neck!

As are all the so-called business leaders who have rushed to condemn the Ed Balls plan to restore the 50% tax bracket for those earning more than £150,000 per year. Of course he is playing politics, Labour having only introduced the level within three months of the general election. But given the financial hardship being suffered by so many families it is hard to sympathise with the indignant rich boys. Just how much money do they need? Perhaps they envy Wayne Rooney who is about to sign a contract giving him £300,000 a week. Viewed as comparison perhaps they feel great sympathy for the head of Royal Mail who is pleading poverty at a mere £1.5 million per year. Be that as it may, they all have one thing in common – greed.

But neither the do-gooders of Surrey or those able to buy honours from their back-pockets have worries to compare with the ultimate wealth accumulator, Tony Blair. He has spent the past few years as a sort of travelling expert in the art of government, a role that seems to involve extraordinarily large fees. Suddenly a cloud has appeared on his gold-dusted horizon in the form of the almost forgotten Chilcott inquiry into Iraq. Last week Twiggy Garcia, a London restaurant employee, attempted to place our hero under a citizen’s arrest. He was quickly swept aside but Chilcott may not prove so easy.

Incredibly the inquiry has dragged on for ten years, but it is showing signs of creaking to its end. It followed the first investigation by Lord Hutton but there is very reason to believe that it will be rather more critical, and key figures who have appeared before Chilcott are showing signs of nervousness.

On January 13, 2010, the day after one star witness, Mr Blair’s spin man, Alastair Campbell, appeared before the inquiry, it heard from the Cabinet Secretary at the time of the invasion, Andrew Turnbull. Now of course Lord Turnbull, he gave evidence, as did his predecessor Lord Wilson. By then the media circus had departed and what they said made few headlines. But the testimonies were devastating. Turnbull said that he and the Cabinet had essentially been deceived, “brought into the story…a long way behind” what had long since been agreed by what he described as “Mr Blair’s entourage”. The Cabinet never saw any papers at all, he said.

Lord Wilson, who left six months before the war testified that at his final meeting with the Prime Minister he had told Mr Blair that he a had “a worrying gleam of war” over military action. Lord Turnbull added that had Lord Wilson known the full picture – that a note had already been sent to president George W Bush promising that “you can count on us whatever”, he would not have described it just as a gleam.

The central charge that Chilcot appears likely to make is that the decision to go to war was the beginning, not the end, of the process; that an agreement on military action was made early, and secretly, with President Bush: and that it was done without evidential justification, proper procedures, legal advice or adequate military training or provision of equipment. All of these were later twisted to fit, most disastrously in the case of planning, which was kept secret for far too long , meaning that coalition forces were completely unprepared to occupy, secure and rebuild the country they had broken.

Parliament and the public was misled. Mr Blair’s key “sexing up” was not the statement that Saddam had WMD – but the claim that those weapons were becoming a “growing” threat, a threat so “current and serious” that urgent action, war, if necessary, had to be taken.

Twiggy Garcia has little in common with a mandarin such as Sir John Chilcott but when the young would-be citizen’s arrester said that “we all know the humanitarian angle of the war was retrofitted after the decision to go to war” he was probably very close to the findings of the inquiry.

This is no academic debate. Many thousands today lie in early graves as the result of one of the greatest deceptions in our long history.

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “I was extremely uncomfortable about the way the 45-minute claim was seized on, It’s just so awful that that happened because it did refer to battlefield weapons that were no threat outside an immediate combat zone”…..Sir Richard Dearlove, MI6, giving evidence to Clilcot Inquiry.

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Austerity – what austerity?

There were puddles big enough to drown a ferret on the allotments this morning. Either we had a lot of rain during the night or the French-owned water suppliers have sprung a leak. Hopefully our new lake is not due to the latter since the record of what we still call the Water Board in repairing damaged pipes is akin to Eddie the Eagle’s in collecting gold medals. Either way we had to spend a lot of time digging holes in the vague hope that the water will drain down to Australia by way of payback for the humiliation of our superstar cricketers.

By the time we gathered in the warm hut we resembled a gang of drowned rats, and for the zillionth time asked ourselves why we do this. The question is of course a rhetorical one since we know the answer which is that the alternative is to stand about in the town centre talking about our aches and pains. In common with the rest of humanity we can’t ultimately thwart the Grim Reaper, but we have every intentionof giving him a run for his money.

Money – now there’s an interesting topic, and it occupied a lot of our attention this morning. It was an article about the chief executive of the Royal Mail that triggered raised eyebrows of Spock dimensions. Last year Moya Greene enjoyed a pay packet of £1.5 million but, according to the new chairman Donald Brydon of what is now a privatised company, is underpaid to the point where she will be tempted to move elsewhere. Her salary, he tells us, is “totally inadequate and the lowest paid to any top executive in the FTSE100″.

Once upon a time salary increases were related solely to achievement rather than comparisons with others. Were that to be today’s criteria we be wondering just what Ms Greene has done to merit earning more cash in a single year than most people earn in a lifetime. She certainly achieved privatisation, but given that it proved to be a give-away that hardly counts as a plus. She has strengthened the company’s financial state, but since that was largely due to the government taking over the pension liability that also fails to earn a tick on her appraisal form. Improved the service? We still only receive one delivery per day and the cost of postage has risen in the manner of the energy companies’ bills.

But we are nitpicking, for the reality is that Britain is now a nation divided as never before between the haves and have nots. We have heard a good deal from Gorgeous George Osborne about his commitment to improve the lot of “hard working people” but he has never defined the term. Given his reluctance to tackle tax-avoidance we can only assume that he is referring to the ‘haves’. If we are honest we have to admit that if we were in Ms Greene’s position we would be more than happy to pocket an extra million or so and merely echo austerity what austerity?.

But two things intrigue us. In our day – I can almost hear you saying here we go – the usual ratio of boss to workers on pay was five to one. I always felt that to be fair given the extra responsibilities and number of hours worked, but the employees representatives regularly described me as a fat cat, and they were not referring to my ample waistline. Now the ratio is both astronomic and indefensible.

There are still some examples of modest differentials. One of my fellow allotments codgers is related to the captain of one of our nuclear submarines. His responsibilities are truly awesome given that his is the finger that would have to press the red button, and that he is in charge of a crew of 126 which spends up to three months submerged in a ‘boat’ that could at any time malfunction some 300 metres below the surface. His pay is around the five-times mark when compared to the ratings.

Were it to be significantly greater it would probably damage morale in a unit that survives only because every man on board plays a crucial role. It would also impede the modus operandi of the captain who must lead in a disciplined manner, whilst maintaining a motivational relationship with the officers and ratings with whom he lives cheek by jowl. Irrelevant? Maybe but one wonders how the poorly paid employees of Royal Mail feel about the executive salaries. Would they go the extra mile with a glad heart?

The other aspect that intrigues us is the age-old question of how much is enough. A very serious study at Princeton University a few years ago suggested that around £50,000 was the optimum salary to bring both day-to-day contentment and a sense of satisfaction about one’s place in the world. The research showed that people are happier the more money they earn until they hit the £50,000 mark. After that point, they just accumulate more material possessions without any rise in their happiness quotient.

Interestingly, the high taxation of some Scandinavian countries, where there is widespread recognition of the fact that personal wealth does not equate to personal happiness, contributes to the sort of social cohesion that we Brits can only dream of.

The UK gap grows ever wider and one can only guess at the effect on motivation and commitment of all those who keep the show on the road. We can only hope that morale remains high since there is little chance of any change to the divided Britain. The leading members of the cabinet are multi-millionaires and Mr Blair is living proof of the fact that Her Majesties opposition is not averse to the super-rich clique.

We can only hope that Moya Greene is not too unhappy about her £1.5 million pay packet. At least she is probably spared having her grown-up children cluttering up her mansion as is the case for 3.3 million families!

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man’s, I mean!”……Mark Twain

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Not the best of days!

Like most of our trains I am running somewhat late today. As excuses go mine is a reasonable one, having spent several hours at our local A & E department. One of my allotments pals developed unexplained pains during this morning’s hen-cleaning and Albert and I quickly conveyed him to the service that Jeremy Hunt is so anxious to close. I am delighted to report that it all proved nothing to worry about.

One only has to spend a while in the waiting area to realise just how important this service is. Whilst we were there two ambulances arrived and the staff responded instantly, calmly and compassionately. There may or may not be truth in the claim that centralised emergency centres would be more cost effective, but the extra time taken to reach them could well represent the difference between life and death. It is surely time for every family in the land to tell politicians in no uncertain terms that they have no moral right to endanger life by playing idiotic political games.

Whilst waiting for what proved to be excellent news, we thumbed through the dailies. The latest report from Iraq did little to restore any faith we once had in politicians.The nation was taken to war on the basis of a barefaced lie and many lives have been sacrificed. We tend to forget that, with the honourable exception of the Lib Dems, the vast majority of Westminster MPs nodded through the Bush/Blair madness. Since then successive ministers have told us that the new Iraq is a better place as a result of the bloodshed.

Really? Last week al-Qaeda fighters seized control in Iraqi cities. The strength of the fighting showed the extent of al-Qaeda’s resurgence across western Iraq over the past year. The militant’s reappearance has terrified local residents many of whom remember the beheadings and brutal punishments that took place when al-Qaeda last had control. The death rate has returned to more than 1,000 per month and there are clear indications that the Nato-trained Iraqi forces are in deep trouble.

Mr Blair is busy making millions these das. Many believe that he should charged with war crimes. But he was only able to do what he did with the tacit support of the majority of the political parties. They will never be forgiven by grieving families.

Of lesser moment, but revealing all the same, are the 1984  cabinet papers released to the National Archives yesterday. They tell us that there were moments during the government’s bitter year-long struggle when the nation “stared into the abyss” and contemplated the use of troops as violence reached its peak.

Here we had a power-mad Prime Minister locked in near mortal combat with a power-mad union leader. Both had hidden agendas, the former wished to destroy the unions, the latter sought insurrection. In reality no one won for the coal industry was totally destroyed and the cause of legitimate union membership likewise.

In their different ways Iraq and the coal dispute provide us with one important lesson. We are ill advised to unquestioningly accept what the likes of Blair, Thatcher and Scargill tell us.

The emergence of powerful protest organisations such as 38 Degrees is surely to be welcomed and supported. Millions have supported them in their demand for openness on issues such as the NHS. In them, not in Westminster, lies the best prospect for real democracy!

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Mission accomplished but what was the mission?

The King of all grumps, Geoffrey Boycott, is probably gnashing his teeth this morning. Some of his disciples on the allotments were inclined to do the same at the news that the all-conquering England cricketers are conquering no more, but their choppers were already engaged in chattering on a very cold morning. But we had no complaints on that score for there are few pleasanter experiences than the sound of an icy crust scrunching like a crème-brulee as one steps out under a blue sky. Whether the chickens see it that way is another matter for suddenly the worms have beak-proof protection.

Many of the morning papers have provided our dear leader with the coverage he sought in return for travelling to Afghanistan. Unfortunately for him they have chosen a somewhat negative interpretation. We believe that he was right to be positive about the role of our troops who have done their brave best in an impossible situation. But he was ill advised to echo the infamous words of George W Bush who, on May 1st 2003, posed whilst wearing a flight suit against a background of a huge sign declaring ‘Mission Accomplished’. That preceded ten years of bloodshed in Iraq culminating in a humiliating withdrawal.

Even the most optimistic believe other than that Afghanistan will suffer the same fate. Many families both in the UK and Afghanistan are in mourning and having heard the Cameron claim must this morning be asking themselves what the mission actually was. If it was to crush the Taliban and to install a Western style democracy by force of arms, the mission has been a failure. The only consolation is that our armed forces have been emasculated to the point where future intervention in any state bigger than the Isle of Wight will be beyond us.

Perhaps we codgers simply failed to understand what Bush and his pal Blair were actually hoping to achieve when they declared their intention to obliterate the forces of evil. That wouldn’t be too surprising since we regularly incur headaches as we try to understand the utterances of politicians. Every day that passes brings another mystery. Today we try in vain to fathom out the announcement by Jeremy Hunt about the NHS introducing 24/7 working.

No one can possibly disagree with the aim. The present arrangement of weekends managed by junior doctors, of overwhelmed A and E departments and GPs who have given low profile a whole new meaning is inadequate. But without substantial additional investment in doctors and nurses how can this possibly be achieved? Our local hospitals are amongst the best in the land but right now, given the massive ‘efficiency savings’ applied, they are unable to afford sufficient consultants to just about cover five days. Hunt’s threat to impose “massive fines” if they fail to man up to provide round-the-clock cover is ridiculous. Such penalties would be charged to already reduced funding and would merely serve to make the situation even worse.

At the core of the supposed plan is the promise to make GPs available at all times. My practice involves two doctors who already hold the maximum number of clinics throughout the week and, given the rocketing number of elderly patients, appointments involve significant delays. Consultations are not infinite, for any doctor whose prime task is diagnosis any increase above the present levels would be dangerous, tired doctors can easily lose their concentration. We are not talking here about stacking shelves in Tesco. One mistake and a patient could die.

Without doubt an increase in GPs and practice nurses would transform things. With appointments available at all times far fewer peo;le would feel the need to resort to A & E. In the case of my practice additional funding for an extra doctor plus two nurses and two receptionists would transform the patient experience but that would cost around an additional £300,000 a year. And there are a vast number of practices across the UK.

Unless the government is prepared to tackle the issue of tax avoidance by almost all of our big companies, plus the effective subsidy of almost £40 billion provided to Barclays, RBS, HSBC and Lloyds, there is no possibility of sufficient money becoming available. And we can forget the option of privatisation, having seen the debacle of services transferred to Serco.

As with Afghanistan this mission is one that will never be accomplished so spare us the words of spin-doctors. Only huge investment in real ones will prevent this scary winter being merely the forerunner of  even worse ones to come!

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “Old age is wonderful…A pity it ends so badly!”….Francois Mauriac, Nobel Prize for Literature, 1952.

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Princess Di theories refuse to die!

If our ‘mailbag’ is any indication we codgers are not alone in believing that our troops are being turned into the fall-guys for the fiascos in Iraq and Afghanistan, and this mornings news of a long series of human rights investigations into alleged violations in Iraq have heightened our paranoia. As we cleaned out the hens this morning, we began  to wonder if any day now we will learn that the Taliban is to sue our commanders for infringing its human right to cut opponents into small pieces. But maybe it will hold back for fear of slowing down the talks aimed at restoring its right to resume control.

In fact it increasingly appears that the only people on earth to benefit from the wars born of political lies are the politicians. Of course we all hold Tony Blair responsible but we tend to forget that, with the honourable exception of the Lib Dems, almost the enture House of Commons supported his madness. Many of those MPs are still in office and they are about to receive a pay increase of 11 per cent. If it were not for their counterparts on the EU gravy-train we would think them somewhat greedy.

But their avarice pales by comparison with the EU’s foreign diplomatic service which, we learn today, is spending hundreds of millions of pounds on a vast empire of overseas offices staffed by bureaucrats many of whom pocket salaries and benefits totalling more than £150,000 a year. They are part of what is known as the European External Action Service which employs 3,417 staff, whose work duplicates the existing diplomatic service operated by member states.

In reality this is but the first step along the road to Brussels assuming control of foreign policy. But that is only the beginning of the next stage of the growing Superstate. RAF planes and other military assets are shortly to be handed over to European Union countries under plans for a “Euro Army”. Many Conservatives fear that our dear leader is on the verge of committing Britain to deeper military involvement with the EU and they fear that the step will be an irreversible one. They are probably right, the text issued from Brussels yesterday makes clear that member states must “improve the availability of required civilian and military capabilities”.

Bernard Jenkins, the chairman of the Commons public administration committee, says that “any Tory prime minister should be wholely opposed to what is clearly intended. To sign the UK up to this programme is not just another blow to the UK’s beleaguered defence industries but is another step towards a euro army”. Perhaps he should have a word with Nick Clegg?

But all this was somewhat overshadowed this morning when we learned of the launch of yet another police inquiry into claims that Princess Diana was murdered by an SAS hit squad. We knew that Scotland Yard had checked out claims published by Soldier N, a former Special Forces sniper. Now a new French probe is to be led by Sabine Kheris, a respected judge who has overseen many high-profile cases with international and political links. In other words the French are taking seriously the new allegations of blinding lights being shone into driver Henri Paul’s eyes.

We codgers have never believed the endless conspiracy chatter. But like an undiagnosed pain it goes on and on and we begin to worry. The implications for the establishment are too horrendous to contemplate and we prefer not to even consider it. But sometimes long-term pain cannot be simply wished away!

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; ” Building democracy as an imposition from abroad is a form of imperialism!”….Lech Walesa Nobel Peace Prize, 1983.

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Bankers deserve prison not bonuses!

Everything was frozen this morning -windscreens, the hen’s drinking troughs, the ponds and the bunch of grumpy old codgers whose sole desire was to clean out the chickens and escape to the warmth of the allotments ‘hut’. Oh to be with the Barmy Army in Australia, they may not have much to sing about but at least they are warm!

Once we had restored our circulation there was a good deal of ribaldry about our fallen hero, Tony Blair. It seems that he has fallen out with his buddy Rupert Murdoch, who is on record as saying that he will “have nothing more to do with Tony Blair, not ever”. According to the Mail on Sunday the breakdown is due to Mr Blair and Ms Deng staying overnight at Mr Murdoch’s mansion in California on two occasions without Rupert’s knowledge. In fact the pair also had “multiple encounters” in both London and New York.

The office of our beloved WMD predictor has categorically denied an affair, and all we scandalmongers know is that King Rupert has separated from Ms Deng, who leapt to his defence when, at the Leveson Inquiry, a fierce geezer with a bucket of custard attempted to donate it to him. But whatever the real explanation for the Blair fall from grace, it could be good news for our dear leader who is still part of the News Corp social circle. The Sun was a passionate supporter of New Labour, perhaps we can expect our rosy faced Dave to adorn the front page of every builders bible at the next election?

Alongside most of the morning paper’s coverage of the world’s richest ex-politician, there is an equally intriguing story about generous awards given to three members of our armed forces, a surprising development given that the Ministry of Defence has shown total contempt for those wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan. But before you break into a chorus of at last we must explain that the recipients of a cool £100,000 are female RAF recruits who incurred ‘injuries’ from marching in step with male colleagues. They have now recovered from the effects of “over-stride”, which is more than can be said for those who no longer have legs to stride on yet are struggling to make ends meet!

Meantime Parliament’s anti-sleaze watchdog has been approached by a coalition of MPs, academics and celebrities who claim that the City of London’s lobbying activities merit examination. There are, the group claims, “revolving doors between the government and powerful City interests”. It hardly surprises us but we imagine that Knacker is less than delighted at the possibility of yet more dirt-sifting.

He must have a pending caseload longer than that of the few remaining social workers, and our humble plea will not help. We believe that it is high time that bankers were held accountable for their actions which impact on so many. The latest outrage concerns RBS who, according to a report by Lawrence Tomlinson, were guilty of “stealing people’s livelihoods from them”. Mr Tomlinson last night called for jail sentences, should it be proven that firms not necessarily in immediate financial distress were “engineered” into the bank’s Global Restructuring Group (GRG), a division with the power to scrap loan deals, impose inflated interest rates and charge hefty penalties.

The report alleges that firms were forced into GRG sometimes through small technical breaches of loan terms, such as late filing of minor financial information. They were then hit with exorbitant rates and fees causing them to collapse, allowing RBS to buy their property and assets on the cheap. One such business said that it paid RBS £256,000 in fees alone whilst in GRG.

The report has reached Uncle Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, who says that allegations are “very serious” and has asked the Financial Conduct Authority to investigate. We have no axe to grind with RBS and are inclined to wonder how all this happened whilst it was under the direct control of Gorgeous George Osborne. But the fact remains that time and again the banks are found to have engaged in what amounts to fraud yet the only consequence are resignations accompanied by golden goodbyes.

If only our favourite pie-eater was in charge of everything! Today we are told that Eric Pickles has solved the social implications of “problem families”. Quite an achievement. No detail is provided and we can only accept that like God and Stephen Fry, Eric moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform.

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; ” We live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavours and furniture polish is made from real lemons!”……Alfred Newman

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Experts? Bankers go to bottom of the league!

 

Britain’s spiralling cost of living will force more people into crippling personal debt which already totals a breath-taking £1.4 trillion. UK households now owe the equivalent of 94 per cent of the country’s economic output for the whole of last year. But such tributes to the much heralded economic recovery passed my fellow codgers by this morning. As we cleaned out the hens they had more important matters on their minds – can Brad Hadden stand in the way of the cock-a-hoop England bowlers when play resumes in the Brisbane Test?

Even the revelation that it was the latter-day Keir Hardie, Tony Blair, that gave the US the go-ahead to spy on millions of Britons failed to deflect them from arguments about the selection of Tremlett. In fact the only concession to what is happening in the real world the Barmy Army of the allotments made today was a chat about yesterday’s PM Question Time, possibly the only more entertainingly abusive forum than the Brisbane crowd.

If there existed a Royal College for abuse our dear leader would by now be its president. Yesterday found him at his very best. His usual attack centres on Unite’s Len McCluskey, but a new target has emerged in the shape of the Reverend Paul Flowers. Clearly David Cameron has missed the news that the 2008 bank crash was masterminded by an assortment of Moonies, Tory card sharps and Doctor Who fans.

Crocodile tears cascaded down those rosy cheeks as he implored anyone – meaning Ed Miliband – to assist his zillionth inquiry aimed at proving that Labour are a bunch of rotten eggs. The jaw-dropping hypocrisy was magnificent. Never mind that the coalition encouraged Co-op bankers to expand while regulators slept, here was a villain who had dined nightly at chez Miliband and who was a godfather to even the children that Ed has yet to generate.

At this point the Speaker called the accused. Guess what – we were then treated to a list of Dave’s dodgy dozen including such intimates now appearing in a court case that Ed was not allowed to mention. Things were getting out of hand and, as so often, it was left to brother Meacher to light the fuse. He had only reached a description of Mali having outperformed the UK economy when our dear leader cried that he had clearly been out on the town with the Reverend and had taken mind-altering substances. In truth Mr Meacher has inhaled nothing more mind-altering than Tony Benn’s dairies and he protested to headmaster Bercow who sent the whole lot of them home.

The pity is that so many of us confine our parliamentary viewing to the Abuse Show for it is the select committees that provide any real insight. Yesterday the Business and Skills version was preoccupied with the bankers, and demonstrated beyond reasonable doubt that the incompetent Reverend was far from unusual, he represents the norm.

The committee spent over two hours questioning senior staff from Goldman Sachs and UBS, the banks that led the Royal Mail giveaway. Based on their ‘expert’ advice the Coalition sold 60% of Royal Mail at 330p a share, thus valuing the company at £3.3 billion. Yesterday the shares were changing hands at 550p, representing a loss to the British taxpayer of £2.2 billion, enough to fund several train-loads of soldiers, nurses and social workers.

So far the banks that priced and marketed the shares have been paid £12.7 million and stand to get a further £4.2 million if Uncle Vince Cable thinks they warrant it. Staggering. Adrian Bailey, who chairs the committee, concluded that “The government, in view of what has happened subsequently, would be mad to give them yet more money”. Since it is, it probably will. In mitigation, the bankers made clear that such transactions are impossible to forecast in advance, thus consigning their Experts label into the waste-paper basket.

But all is not lost. Yesterday the identity of the next City of Culture was revealed. It is Hull, a choice we codgers have regularly advocated. How could a city that has two-Jags Prescott as its culture bedrock have been ignored for so long?

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; “To reward the private sector that lost the taxpayer potentially billions and, in these days of austerity, would be a very politically dangerous thing to do!”…..Adrian Bailey, chairman of the Business and Skills select committee.

“I’m hearing an awful lot of stuff from you about how wonderful you are, and what great expertise you have. Can I, as a taxpayer, assume that all this is the cult of the high priest and meant to say you are much better at your job than you are, and you have failed the taxpayer”….Brian Binley, Conservative member of committee.  

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Is Baldrick running the NHS?

Just days ago we codgers offered prayers of thankfulness to Bert the Weather God when he spared us the wrath of St Jude. Clearly our heads were insufficiently bowed for last night he atoned for his sin of omission. We arrived at the allotments to find roofing felt scattered in all directions, and flower tubs rearranged in the manner of a modern art masterpiece. No prayers soared skyward this time, just a wide selection of colourful curses.

As we set to work we did find time to remark on the reappearance of two fallen stars. Sven Goran Eriksson has apparently published a kiss-and-tell account of his relationships with Nancy Dell’Olio, a Romanian former gymnast, a Swedish hotel worker and Faria Alam, the former secretary of the Football Association. He apparently “became tired” of them all, perhaps he simply became tired? But it is good to know that the highly paid England managers do allow themselves the occasional break from the offside rule.

The other resurrection features Michael Howard who now occupies himself by dressing up in ermine. He is hell-bent on the need for a “debate about the past”, the past of no less a star than Tony Blair. His Lordship wants us to realise that under Labour public money was strewn around like confetti. How that will help the present situation is less than clear, perhaps he believes that our dear leader has become so besotted with his former hero that he feels a compulsion to follow suit?

If today’s headlines about NHS ‘reforms’ are any indication he may well be right. At long last someone has realised that the new Commissioning groups are comprised mainly of executives that previously ran the now defunct Primary Care Trusts (PCTs). A logical development since no one in the know really believed Lansley’s nonsense abut GPs running the new creations, given that they are already rather busy and, in any case, have no desire to become bean-counters. But 489 of the PCT stars were first made redundant and rewarded with six-figure “golden goodbyes” !

As a former PCT chairman I was invited to the farewell party staged by our local body. No one seemed unduly upset, but at the time I assumed this was due to the large cheques handed to them earlier. But they knew something that I didn’t. Within weeks most if them were hired by the new ‘Commissioners’. If ever there was a scandalous waste of public money this was it!

Clearly these NHS employees should have been transferred into the new operations. I would go further and contend that the new organisations should not have been created since they are a mirror image of the ones they replaced. Each PCT had what was called a Professional Executive Committee, the majority of which comprised GPs nominated by local practices. They allocated funding to both hospitals and community services and had absolute authority to do so.

What they decided was in theory approved by the Strateguc Health Authorities which have also been replaced (by bodies carrying the NHS prefix re-employing the same people), but which in practice seldom intervened. Nothing has changed fundamentally but millions have been poured down the drain. Our headline does a disservice to Baldrick, even he would have recognised that this cunning plan was plain daft!

But even the madness of Andrew Lansley pales into insignificance by comparison with the EU saga. Today we learn that Abdulla Ahmed Ali, the ringleader of a suicide plot that could have killed 10,000 people, has gone to the Euripean Court of Human Rights to claim his rights were infringed by publicity before he was convicted of conspiracy to murder. Appeals have already been dismissed by Britain’s highest courts and now the bill for his conviction, already over the £100 million mark, will be increased. More importantly our justice system will once again be undermined.

Cue Chris Grayling, the Justice Secretary, who once again pledges to end the “dogma” emanating from Brussels that assumes “more Europe is always best” on everything from human rights to prisoner voting, whole-life tariffs and welfare reform. How he proposes to do this given that, like Sven, the Lib Dem and Labour parties have been seduced, is less than clear.

How about nominating Andrew,Lansley, who is currently not meaningfully employed, for the post of EU President when it becomes vacant next year? he could keep our tormentors occupied for yonks on rearranging the deckchairs on the EU Titanic, and prove once and for all that only idle hands find time for mischief!

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THOUGHT FOR TODAY; ” Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence!”….Max Amsterdam

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