Dennis Benson

Posts Tagged ‘Appearance’

Now we have monsoons to contend with! Not real ones of course, but enough of the wet stuff to make Albert’s joints ache, and the hens to adopt a marine like appearance and a decidedly spiteful diposition. This winter has seen us sliding and splashing in equal measure and we love neither. But come next Monday some of us will be in hot water too. Forgetting to at least buy some flowers at the filling station does tend to suggest to our better halves that February 14th no longer carries the magic that it once did.

And magical it once was. I remember my first hand-made Valentine card which I secretly slipped thorugh the letter box of Betty’s house. As I recall the verse was copied from someone else’s work; ” Roses are red, Violets are blue, They are sweet and so are you”. Doesn’t sound too sophisticated now, but we were only ten at the time. 

It may have been with people like us fogies in mind that the Rosemere Cancer Foundation has come up with a superb idea. It has decided to make Valentine’s Day it’s big event of the year and to remind everyone that we all have, or once had, a Valentine. It may be a day to send an unsigned card to a young man or lady, but it may be one to remember that however long we have been manacled togther, deep down we have a true and long-loved Valentine. Or it may be an occasion to remember in our hearts those we have loved and lost.

The Rosemere Cancer Foundation makes a huge contribution to the fight against cancer in northern England and income resulting from this unique approach to marking what for many seems something long gone will appropriately go toward the purchase of more cancer-fighting equipment which the NHS budget cannot stretch to. So I for one shall go along to the first ever grand Rosemere celebration of Valentines Day.

This is to be held in Blackburn Cathedral where an evening of music for all ages will take place. Hopefully it will be an interesting and moving experience. In my case the very fact of going to such an event for the first time in 55 years will, I suspect, make it feel like a renewal of vows even if the male voice choir is singing ‘Please release me’!  

Blackburn may be outside of your travel area but there is no law against you raising a glass with your Valentine, or in memory of one that once shared your joys and sorrows.

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            NEW CRIME INITIATIVES ARE AS DAFT AS THE PREVIOUS ONES!

When Tony Blair announced his plan to march arrested tearaways to the nearest cash machine he was quite rightly derided. It was but the first of many schemes supposedly aimed at bringing our town centres under control. All of them, including Asbos, failed utterly.

When a Conservative-dominated government took over many of us believed that there would now be a real crackdown on those who make our streets unsafe, real deterrents. Sadly Home Secretary Theresa May has announced replacements which are every bit as daft. It seems that when the police are trying to restore order and are dealing with extreme anti-social behaviour, they will be entitled to confiscate iPods, stereos and other such gadgets.

Some deterrent! The hardened lout will simply steal some more and will go on laughing at the police. And it will probably turn out that the confiscated property is not owned by the offender anyway.

There is only one way in which order will be restored. Arrests followed by an appearance before magistrates who have a range of real punishments available. And one of these must be loss of freedom, not cleaning police cars as suggested by the saintly Theresa. A number of detention centres run by ex-military RSMs would persuade the thugs that it is better not to re-offend.

Mind you Ms May’s plan to get rid of 20,000 bobbies may make arrests of any kind difficult !

THOUGHTS FOR TODAY; ” Men are chiefly good lovers when they are betraying their wives”…Marilyn Monroe  “I blame my father for telling me about the birds and bees. I was going steady with a woodpecker for two years”….Bob Hope   “All my mum told me about sex was that the man goes on top, and the woman goes to the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds”…..Joan Rivers   “The thing most women like in bed is breakfast”….Robin Williams  “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask she objects”….Les Dawson     ”On my 80th birthday, I felt like a 20-year old. But there wasn’t one around”….Milton Berle    “Kissing Edwina Currie was like kissing a can opener”…..Godfrey Barker    “Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home”….Phyllis Diller    “Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery”…Denis Norden     “If your parents never had children the chances are you won’t either”…..Dick Cavett    “My mother from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she’s sentimental but because she gets really far behind with her ironing”….Brian Kiley   “When a man steals your wife there’s no better revenge than to let him keep her”…..Sacha Guitry   “They’d eat a worm if I gave it a French name”……Daphe Moon   “Gentility is what’s left over from rich ancestors when the money has gone”….John Ciardi   “I’m not a snob. Ask anybody. Well, anybody that matters” …..Simon LeBon

ANSWERS TO YESTERDAY’S QUIZ;    1.Ballet dancer   2.Nancy Mitford

TODAY’S QUESTIONS;    1.  Who was the British inventor of radar (died 1973)?   2.  What sort of vehicle was a Lunokhod?

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On rare sunlit mornings like today I usually mooch around the allotment plots to chat about whatever takes our fancy. But conversations with Eric have a sombre note these days for he has a grandson serving in Afghanistan. Not surprisingly worries occupy his thoughts and there is one even bigger than the obvious one of his safety. Like many, Eric agonises over the war itself. Of course he knows that a professional soldier’s career entails high risks but in the wars that we both remember so well there was a clear aim; victory. But how can that ever be achieved against an enemy that wears no uniform and protects no specific territory. Even worse, one that has the support of large sections of the community.

All these doubts and more are enhanced today as a result of an appearance before the parliamentary foreign affairs committee by Britain’s former special envoy to Afghanistan Sir Sherard Cowper-Coles, who has also served twice as ambassador in Kabul. He said that the army was submitting “misleadingly optimistic” reports on the state of the war and that ministers who questioned them were accused by the Defence Ministry of being “defeatist or disloyal”.

The former envoy told of an army officer in Helmand province who told his superiors that the strategy was not working. He was instructed to change his report to make it positive “because cracking on about Helmand is what it’s all about”. This was typical and the civilian administrators must wrest control from the military whose “can-do” appproach had distorted any understanding of the real problems. Part of those problems, Sir Sherward argued, was the Afghan government that British and American troops are fighting to uphold. In fact the government is less popular in the south of the country than the Taliban!

The Taliban, he said, were in his experience violent and unpleasant but for many Pashtuns were a less bad alternative than a “corrupt and predatory government”. There can be no solution based solely on military action, was the former envoy’s conclusion. He added that we are merely suppressing local symptoms of the disease, not curing it. He was particularly damning of the American miltary approach and used a revealing metaphor. Sometimes, he said, if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer, every problem can look like a nail.

It was a very revealing appearance by someone who understands the situation in Afghanistan intimately and, unlike the politicians, is prepared to speak out. He emphasised that he was not criticising the military who clearly must remain upbeat. He was in effect spelling out the unpalatable fact that the war, as it is being conducted, cannot ever be ‘won’.

This meeting took place as Prince Harry paid tribute to the fallen at a moving ceremony at the Royal British Legion Wootton Bassett Field of Remembrance in the walled garden of Lydiard Park, Wilts. No less than 342 of our serving men and women in Afghanistan have been killed and the Field was ablaze with the poppies placed by their families and friends.

When we bring together the two events of yesterday we face an appalling question. What have all those deaths achieved? We have to answer ‘a great deal’ if only to help those who mourn, those whose families have been destroyed. But we surely have to also cry this far and no farther. There can be no doubt that Sir Sherard Cowper-Coles knows what he is talking about and the cause of humanity demands that the government listens and acts.

In constantly banging the drum of eventual victory David Cameron and the rest are not simply deluding themselves and misleading us. They are condemning to death yet more brave men and women who, based on yesterday’s evidence, are themselves asking how this conflict can ever be resolved other than by a ‘patched-up’ withdrawal like that in Iraq.

The best defence of this country now open to us is to focus on improving the security of the United Kingdom. That does not mean to persuade mad people to leave by paying them £1500 as has been announced. Our troops are dying and we should show no tolerance to those who threaten from within. If they love the Taliban they should be forced to go and dwell wth them.

It sounds crude I know but maybe we are reaching the last resort of bringing ours home and sending theirs to them!

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                                           BIG SOCIETY IS BECOMING A BIG JOKE!

Presumably anyone reaching the dizzy heights of Prime Minister must have acute self understanding. That makes David Cameron’s continuing to bang on about the ‘big society’ even more puzzling. He must surely realise that he is merely articulating his own dream of what a utopian society could look like without having any idea as to how it could be brought about.

Readers will already be aware of the trial being run in Windsor which seems to involve rewards for those who pick up dog poo and litter. Clearly that is not what the PM has in mind for in Utopia no one seeks reward. Now we have an explanation from yet another minister.

Yesterday the children’s minister, Tim Loughton, presented the Edith Khan Memorial Lecture in the House of Lords. He remarked that the trouble is that most people don’t know what the Big Society really means, least of all the unfortunate ministers like himself who have to articulate it. Exactly how big is it now or is it going to be, he pondered.

Then he produced his own definition. Is it in fact Ann Widdecombe asked Mr Loughton!

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YESTERDAY’S QUIZ ANSWERS;   1.  Chad   2.  Sir Robert Mark

TODAY’S QUESTIONS;  1.  Who wrote ‘Flashman in the Great Game’ which wsa published in 1975?  2..  Which game did Prince Alexis Obolensky make popular in the 70s?

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